第一篇

原文：
This chart gives us information about the percentage of the population which lives in cities in 4 Asian countries Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia. The time range from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

Overall, the population which lives in cities in 4 Asian countries was fluctuated and dramatic increased.

In 1970, the number of Philippines’ population living in the cities was the most, and Indonesia was the lowest. It should be noted that among 4 countries, the number of population living in the cities was lower than 35%.
In 1980, the number of Malaysia’ population living in the cities was highest about 40%.
In 1990, It was the second time that Philippines’ population living in the cities was the most, and slightly higher than Malaysia.

But in the next 30 years, the number was totally different among two counties (Malaysia and Philippines ).
The number of Malaysia’ population living in the cities dramatic rose about 80%.
The number of Philippines’ population living in the cities always lower than 50% and decreased after 1990 in 20 years. It was slightly increased from 2010.

✅ 修改后的正确版本

This chart provides information about the percentage of the population living in cities in four Asian countries — the Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia — from 1970 to 2020, with projections for 2030 and 2040.

Overall, the proportion of urban populations in these four countries increased significantly over the period, although the growth rates varied.

In 1970, the Philippines had the highest proportion of its population living in cities, while Indonesia had the lowest. It should be noted that in all four countries, less than 35% of people lived in urban areas.

By 1980, Malaysia’s urban population had become the highest, reaching around 40%.
In 1990, the Philippines once again recorded the highest figure, which was slightly higher than Malaysia’s.

However, over the next 30 years, the trends in Malaysia and the Philippines diverged.
The percentage of Malaysia’s population living in cities rose dramatically to around 80%, while the figure for the Philippines remained below 50% and declined slightly after 1990 before rising again after 2010.

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🩵 逐句讲解与改正说明

原句	问题	修改建议
1This chart gives us information about the percentage of the population which lives in cities in 4 Asian countries Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia.	① “gives us”太口语化；② 缺少逗号分隔国家；③ 数字应写作“four”；④ “which lives”应用过去时或一般描述	改为：This chart provides information about the percentage of the population living in cities in four Asian countries — the Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia.
2The time range from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.	缺少动词（句子不完整）；“time range from”应为“covers the period from…”	改为：**…from 1970 to 2020, with projections for 2030 and 2040.**
3Overall, the population which lives in cities in 4 Asian countries was fluctuated and dramatic increased.	① “was fluctuated”被动语态错误；② “dramatic increased”词性错误（应为 dramatically increased）；③ 逻辑不清楚	改为：Overall, the proportion of urban populations in these four countries increased significantly over the period, although the growth rates varied.
4In 1970, the number of Philippines’ population living in the cities was the most, and Indonesia was the lowest.	① “number of … population”搭配错误；② “Philippines’ population”属格使用错误；③ “the most”应为“the highest”；④ “living in the cities”可简化为“living in cities”	改为：In 1970, the Philippines had the highest proportion of its population living in cities, while Indonesia had the lowest.
5It should be noted that among 4 countries, the number of population living in the cities was lower than 35%.	“number of population”错误；数字应拼写；“was lower than 35%”可简化	改为：It should be noted that in all four countries, less than 35% of people lived in urban areas.
6In 1980, the number of Malaysia’ population living in the cities was highest about 40%.	① “Malaysia’”错误，应为“Malaysia’s”；② “number of … population”错误搭配；③ “was highest about”语序错误	改为：By 1980, Malaysia’s urban population had become the highest, reaching around 40%.
7In 1990, It was the second time that Philippines’ population living in the cities was the most, and slightly higher than Malaysia.	① “It”不明确；② “Philippines’ population”属格错误；③ “was the most”错误，应为“was the highest”；④ “and slightly higher than Malaysia”句子不完整	改为：In 1990, the Philippines once again recorded the highest figure, which was slightly higher than Malaysia’s.
8But in the next 30 years, the number was totally different among two counties (Malaysia and Philippines).	① “number”错误（应为percentage）；② “was totally different”太口语化；③ “among two”应为“between two”；④ “counties”拼写错误，应为“countries”	改为：However, over the next 30 years, the trends in Malaysia and the Philippines diverged.
9The number of Malaysia’ population living in the cities dramatic rose about 80%.	① 属格错误（Malaysia’s）；② “dramatic rose”词性错误（应为“rose dramatically”）；③ “about 80%”应为“to around 80%”	改为：The percentage of Malaysia’s population living in cities rose dramatically to around 80%.
10The number of Philippines’ population living in the cities always lower than 50% and decreased after 1990 in 20 years. It was slightly increased from 2010.	① “number of population”错误搭配；② 时态错误（always + past context 应为“remained”）；③ “decreased after 1990 in 20 years”语法混乱；④ “It was slightly increased”应为主动语态	改为：The figure for the Philippines remained below 50% and declined slightly after 1990 before rising again after 2010.

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