雅思写作课程-第十七课
题目：
https://ieltscat.xdf.cn/practice/analyze/write/8517/97968C9D2B03818E/1
第一遍(14个错误)
This chart give us information about number of participants by activity in 2000 to 2020.
The participants’ number of musical performances gradually increasing from 2005 to 2020, and finally reached to nearly 20. We could noted that from 2000 to 2005, there wasn’t any participants in that area.
Table tennis participants number started in 16, and slightly increased to 20, then kept stable in 5 years. Surprisingly, the number rapidly increasing since 2010 and reached to more than 50 in the end.
Amateur dramatics participants number slightly rise up in 5 years from 2000. It was reached peek in 2005 and consistently drop down closed to zero since 2005.
Martial arts participants number was flactuated from 30 to 40 in 20 years.
Film club participants number was highest in all activities among all period. The number was keep almost stable in 65, but the lowest number is 60 in 2010.
检查错误：
很好！你这段文字意思很清楚，但存在一些语法、用词、时态和表达上的问题。下面我会 先标出修改后的正确版本，然后逐句解释错误和改法。
✅ 修改后的版本（改进后）
This chart gives us information about the number of participants in different activities from 2000 to 2020.
The number of participants in musical performances gradually increased from 2005 to 2020, finally reaching nearly 20. It should be noted that from 2000 to 2005, there were no participants in this activity.
The number of table tennis participants started at 16, increased slightly to 20, and then remained stable for five years. Surprisingly, the number rose rapidly after 2010 and reached more than 50 at the end.
The number of amateur dramatics participants rose slightly in the first five years from 2000, peaked in 2005, and then consistently dropped, approaching zero after that.
The number of martial arts participants fluctuated between 30 and 40 over the 20-year period.
The number of film club participants was the highest among all activities throughout the period. It remained almost stable at around 65, with the lowest point being 60 in 2010.
🩵 逐句讲解与改正原因
| 原句 | 问题 | 修改建议 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 This chart give us information about number of participants by activity in 2000 to 2020. | 动词单复数错误（chart是单数），介词用错 | “give”→“gives”；“by activity”不自然，改为“in different activities”；“in 2000 to 2020”应为“from 2000 to 2020” |
| 2 The participants’ number of musical performances gradually increasing… | 时态错误（需要过去式）；名词顺序不对 | 改为“The number of participants in musical performances gradually increased…” |
| 3 finally reached to nearly 20. | “reach”后不加“to” | 改为“finally reached nearly 20.” |
| 4 We could noted that… | 错误的情态动词+动词形式 | 改为“It should be noted that…” 或 “We can note that…” |
| 5there wasn’t any participants | 单复数不一致 | 改为“there were no participants” |
| 6Table tennis participants number started in 16 | “in”错误；名词顺序不对 | 改为“The number of table tennis participants started at 16” |
| 7then kept stable in 5 years | 表达不自然 | 改为“then remained stable for five years” |
| 8rapidly increasing since 2010 | 时态错误（since要用完成时） | 改为“rose rapidly after 2010” 或 “has risen rapidly since 2010” |
| 9Amateur dramatics participants number slightly rise up… | 时态错误、用词累赘 | 改为“The number of amateur dramatics participants rose slightly…”（不用“up”） |
| 10was reached peek | “peek”拼错，应为“peak”；动词搭配错 | 改为“peaked” |
| 11drop down closed to zero | “closed”拼错，应为“close”；drop后不加down | 改为“dropped close to zero” |
| 12flactuated | 拼写错误 | 改为“fluctuated” |
| 13was keep almost stable in 65 | 时态错误，介词错误 | 改为“remained almost stable at around 65” |
| 14the lowest number is 60 in 2010 | 时态错误 | 改为“the lowest point was 60 in 2010” |
是否希望我帮你把这段改写成 雅思 Task 1 评分 7 分以上的正式版本？（我可以帮你润色成更自然的 academic English 写作风格）
got involved in 参与
levelled off 平稳下来
dramatic surge 激增
第二遍（错9个，但长度不足150词）
This chart provides information on the numbers of participants for five activities at social club in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
Overall, The number of film club remain highest among all period. The lowest point was 2010, the number was 60
In 2000, the figure of table tennis has increased dramatically since 2010. It should be noted that the participants number was the lowest in the 2000, but it was reached the second highest by the 2020. From 2005 to 20010, It was remained stable around 20.
The participants number of amateur dramatics slightly rose from 2000 to 2005, and reach the peak in 2005. Then, it was dramatically decreased in the next 15 years.
The participants number of martial arts fluctuated between 30 to 40.
This chart provides information about the number of participants in five activities at a social club in Melbourne, Australia, between 2000 and 2020.
非常好 👍！你已经掌握了 IELTS Task 1 的基本写作结构（Introduction + Overview + Details）。这段文字的问题主要集中在：
- 时态错误（has increased / was increased 混乱）
- 搭配错误（number of participants / participants number）
- 冠词和复数问题（film club → the film club）
- 一些逻辑表达顺序不自然
- 篇幅不足（大约只有 110 个词）
下面我会：
- 给出 改正后的正确英文版本（自然且符合雅思7分+标准）
- 给出 逐句错误讲解与改法
- 告诉你 如何扩充到150词以上
✅ 修改后（自然、标准、150词+版本）
This chart provides information about the number of participants in five activities at a social club in Melbourne, Australia, between 2000 and 2020.
Overall, the film club consistently had the highest number of participants throughout the period, while amateur dramatics experienced the most significant decline. Table tennis, on the other hand, showed remarkable growth, especially after 2010.
In 2000, table tennis had the lowest participation, with around 16 members. The number remained stable at about 20 from 2005 to 2010, before rising sharply to over 50 by 2020, becoming the second most popular activity.
The number of participants in amateur dramatics increased slightly from 2000 to 2005, peaking in that year, but declined dramatically over the next 15 years, reaching nearly zero by 2020.
The film club attracted the most participants throughout the period, remaining around 65 members, though it dipped slightly to 60 in 2010.
Finally, the number of martial arts participants fluctuated between 30 and 40 over the twenty-year period, showing no clear upward or downward trend.
(≈160 words)
🩵 逐句讲解与改法说明
| 原句 | 问题 | 改正 |
|---|---|---|
| 1The number of film club remain highest among all period. | ① 动词时态错误（remain → remained） ② 缺冠词（film club → the film club） ③ 表达不自然 |
→ “The film club consistently had the highest number of participants throughout the period.” |
| 2The lowest point was 2010, the number was 60. | 两个独立句不能用逗号连接 | → “The lowest point was in 2010, when the number fell to 60.” |
| 3In 2000, the figure of table tennis has increased dramatically since 2010. | 逻辑错误：2000年不可能“since 2010”增加；时态混乱。 | → “In 2000, table tennis had the lowest participation… It rose sharply after 2010.” |
| 4It should be noted that the participants number was the lowest in the 2000, but it was reached the second highest by the 2020. | ① “participants number”错误 → “number of participants” ② “the 2000”错误，应为“in 2000” ③ “was reached”语态错误 |
→ “It should be noted that the number of participants was the lowest in 2000, but it reached the second highest level by 2020.” |
| 5From 2005 to 20010, It was remained stable around 20. | ① “20010”拼写错误（应为2010） ② “was remained”错误，应为“remained” ③ “around 20”前不加冠词 |
→ “From 2005 to 2010, it remained stable at around 20.” |
| 6The participants number of amateur dramatics slightly rose… | 搭配错误（应为“the number of participants”） | → “The number of participants in amateur dramatics rose slightly…” |
| 7and reach the peak in 2005. | 时态错误 | → “and reached its peak in 2005.” |
| 8Then, it was dramatically decreased in the next 15 years. | 被动语态错误 | → “Then, it decreased dramatically over the next 15 years.” |
| 9 The participants number of martial arts fluctuated between 30 to 40. | 搭配错误 + 介词错误（between … and） | → “The number of participants in martial arts fluctuated between 30 and 40.” |
✍️ 如何增加到150词以上（技巧）
加入“overall对比”句：
→ e.g. “Overall, the trends varied significantly among the five activities.”增加“副词+趋势词”：
→ e.g. “rose steadily,” “remained almost unchanged,” “declined sharply,” “showed moderate growth.”补充“时间段说明”：
→ e.g. “over the next decade,” “during the first half of the period,” “in the later years.”增加总结句（最后一段）：
→ e.g. “In summary, while some activities gained popularity, others lost participants over time.”